Let’s face it. Mother’s Day can suck.
Over the last two years, I’ve found a strong network of childless women (both in person and online). We’ve gotten to know and lean on each other.
The sites are buzzing in fear/sadness/anxiety because tomorrow is the second Sunday of May….which may sound like a normal day to you….but to many women, it is a nightmare. Yes. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Also known as the Voldemort of Holidays to childless women. <== Not sure if that will catch on….but I am trying.
These are common comments:
- Mother’s Day is the hardest day of the year
- Family/friends celebrate Mother’s Day around me but don’t acknowledge that I am childless
- Church on Mother’s Day? I skip it every year because it is too hard having the priest/pastor ask all of the mothers to stand…while I sit there
- I do not leave my house because everything is focused on Mother’s Day….and it is too painful
- Everywhere I go I tense up when someone starts to greet me because I KNOW someone is going to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. And I never know what to say. And it rips my heart out every time.
Going through childlessness is difficult. But feeling alone is even harder. So….
What CAN you say to your childless friends/family during the Mother’s Day weekend?
- I am thinking about you today
- What can I do?
- Do you want to meet for coffee?
- You matter to me and I love you
- This must be a difficult weekend
- BONUS: Let’s go shoe shopping <But let’s face it. This one works in every situation.
- For more options, click here.
What can you DO?
- Ask them to lunch/coffee
- Call to check on them
- Send a card that says “I am thinking of you”
- Get them out of the house but avoid places that could be painful (try this one….trust me….it is difficult….because Mother’s Day is everywhere)
- Go to their house and just sit with them
What NOT TO SAY (These have actually been stated….from one human to another)
- It really shouldn’t bother you because you aren’t a mom.
- You are lucky that you can spend Sundays doing whatever you want
- Kids aren’t all they are cracked up to be
- If you adopted, you’d be celebrating Mother’s Day right now
- I wish you would have started trying earlier
- You can’t die from infertility
- This is an oldie but goodie Top 16 stupid things you can say to someone who is childless
So….about that elephant…
Childless women know they are childless. If you bring it up, it won’t remind them….trust me, it is already on their mind….One in 8 couples struggle to build a family…and 20% of women get to 45 years old without having a child. That is a LOT of people.
Mother’s Day is a special day for millions of women. It is also an excruciating day for millions of other women. We need to remember both. And you can help.
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