are you childless?
It is such a terrible term….childless…but is that you!?
There could be hundreds of reasons why….but at the end of the day, your arms are empty, your heart is broken and your brain is on overload. Have you ever felt this way?
Worthless | Less than everyone else | Not a real woman | Failure | No legacy | Afraid of dying alone | Pissed | Sad | Disappointed | Scared | Regretful | Shameful | Embarrassed | At fault/Blame | Discounted | Others are more important | Not valued | Alone | No one will remember me | Incomplete | Wounded | Inadequate | Unfair | Regretful | Not whole | Left out | Jealous | Lost | Unworthy | Judged | Misunderstood | Defective
The sadness brings us into a vicious cycle until we are mentally and physically exhausted. It is no wonder that we feel like a tiny, weak twig…easily broken. But, you found us. And we found you.
Introducing the Childless Life
I started this blog in December 2016 when I was at my lowest (I was 48 at the time). I curled into a tight ball in my bathtub after yet another disappointment regarding my childlessless. (Sometimes it is the inability to have a child…..sometimes it is how other people handle it.) I was wailing….uncertain that the visceral sounds were coming from me. Over and over I screamed the same thing…. “why am I not worthy of a child? Why don’t I deserve a child?”
I had far passed the time of knowing I couldn’t have a child...but I was still refusing to accept it. The anger, shame and heartbreak bubbled up until I exploded. I started banging away at the keyboard with an anger filled letter addressed to no one. For many reasons, I didn’t want to grieve in public so I kept everything tight to the vest. But….that day, I no longer gave a damn. I opened Facebook pasted the rant and almost warned everyone “I don’t need your comments and I damn sure don’t need your pity”.
I pushed send and exhaled a decade of frustration. And moved on with my life. Well, not so fast.
The unexpected response I got to the post was incredible. Friends and family had no idea that I had suffered silently and wrote their encouragement, love and support. I was overwhelmed. But what surprised me the most, was the reaction of others who reached out privately through IM, emails, etc. Women reached out saying they had been through the same thing, experienced the same hurt, etc. I had absolutely no idea! Men were reaching out to ask if they could share the post because “they knew someone who was in a similar situation”. The conversation was starting.
And bam! Introducing www.TheChildlessLife.com