We went to the movies over the weekend and one of the main characters died. What the heck!? I was 100% convinced that she’d pop up at the end in a dramatic “taaa daaaaaa” fashion. In fact, the lump in my throat kept growing because I just knew that she’d miraculously reappear. Nope. Didn’t happen. The credits started rolling, the over-the-top-sad-music played and I kept staring back at the screen, a little surprised. I mean, there are always happy endings.
The next time you are in an office or crowd…do a slow pirouette (or, like me, turn in a clumsy circle and try not to hurt anyone) and take a minute to absorb this fact about the people you are seeing.
One in 8 couples struggle to build a family. Think about that magnitude. One in EIGHT of the people you just saw could be a warrior at the office…kicking butt and taking names…and then spend their nights curled up in ball of tears on the living room floor.
Well…..not happy….but….you get my point. The NIAW campaign was started to help those in the infertile community feel more empowered by providing tools and resources to help them build a family.
LISTEN UP! Infertility impacts millions. MILLIONS. OF. PEOPLE. And like cancer, diabetes and sarcasm, it does not discriminate.
There is a lot to be said about feeling empowered. I remember years ago the innocence of it all. “When we have a child” rolled off the tongue so easily that I never imagined it wouldn’t happen. But as time, procedures and hope passed I realized that I had ZERO control of any of it. It is difficult to feel empowered when something as “easy” as conceiving wouldn’t happen.
Some of the strongest people I know have been unable to conceive or adopt for one reason or another. They would give up everything (and sometimes have) for the chance to have a child.
In our every day life we are all expected and conditioned to solve every problem in our lives. The miracle stories, the support groups and even the doctors can sometimes cause us to continue. To continue the treatment. To continue the hope. To continue the pain. And because the prize is so great we rightfully continue to grasp at any hope that exists.
But sometimes it just doesn’t work. And attempting but failing again and again is why many of us in this situation feel like losers everyday. Because we always hear that someone’s cousin’s mail lady’s hairdresser was able to conceive a child when all of medical science said it wasn’t possible. Well, wahoo.
So….like a project manager on cortisone, we mapped out our life’s plan so we could control our own destiny. We decided what types of fertility treatments to try…..when to start (and then end) the adoption process… and when to begin sharing our struggles (and then heartbreak) publicly.
In the quest for feeling 100% empowered over controlling our destiny, I found another piece to this….acceptance. After years and years and years, I didn’t give up but I DID make the decision to stop. My body couldn’t handle anything else and my heart was in pieces. It was time for another plan.
We are each in a different fork in the road. Some are just beginning this journey. Some have walked the path and have the battered feet, hearts and bank accounts to prove it. It is up to each of us to decide next steps. NO ONE can make the decision for us. And it is one of the hardest I’ve ever had to make. But one step that I never considered until recently was just….acceptance.
Every baby story doesn’t end with a baby.
Every adoption story doesn’t end with a child.
Every infertility story doesn’t end with a happy ending.
But just because the movie ended differently than I expected doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a good movie. I will never know what would have been. THIS is my new normal. Being childless is a whole new world. It is nothing that I ever planned. But, LISTEN UP! I plan to rock it.