Category: Medical/doctors

12 Days of Childlessness and 12 Days of Infertility.

Published / by sandymichelet / Leave a Comment

On the 1st day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “This bites, you’ll have no legacy”.

On the 2nd day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “What did I do wrong”

On the 3rd day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “I have empty arms”

On the 4th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me  “I will die alone”

On the 5th day of Childlessness,

my inner voice reminded me 

“FIVE PREGNANT HIGH SCHOOL GIRLSSSSSSSSS”

On the 6th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “People treat me different”

On the 7th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “I’ll never have a baby”

On the 8th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “I’m embarrassed that I’m broken”

On the 9th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “My family is small, its my fault”

On the 10th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “Am I a real woman?”

On the 11th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “Don’t look at me with pity”

On the 12th day of Childlessness, my inner voice said to me “Will I be remembered?”, “Don’t look at me with pity”, “Am I a real woman?”, “My family is small, its my fault” “I’m embarrassed that I’m broken”, “I’ll never have a baby”, “People treat me different”, “FIVE PREGNANT HIGH SCHOOL GIRLSSSSSSSSS”,  “I will die alone”, “I have empty arms”, “What did I do wrong” and “This bites, you’ll have no legacy”.

12 days of Infertility

To me, someone who is infertile has been unable to conceive a child but is still TTC (trying to conceive) and is hopeful that it will happen. 

On the 1st day of Infertility, my family asked of me “Are you pregnant? We want to see a ba-by”

On the 2nd day of Infertility, my coworkers asked of me “Have you seen a doctor?”

On the 3rd day of Infertility, my dry cleaner said to me “Stop trying it will happen”

On the 4th day of Infertility, my neighbor said to me “Adoption is an option”

On the 5th day of Infertility, my doctor said to me

“FIVE CLOMID DAYSSSSSSSSSSSSS”

On the 6th day of Infertility, my pharm tech said to me “You need to try harder”

On the 7th day of Infertility, my lady at the drive through said to me “If its meant to be you’ll have one”

On the 8th day of Infertility, my mailman said to me “Hurry, you’re getting older”

On the 9th day of Infertility, my waitress said to me “Is it you who has the problem?”

On the 10th day of Infertility, my dentist said to me “IVF could fix this”

On the 11th day of Infertility, my nail tech said to me “Why can’t you get pregnant”?

On the 12th day of Infertility, my doctor said to me “This will never happen”, “Why can’t you get pregnant”?, “IVF could fix this”, “Is it you who has the problem?”, “Hurry, you’re getting older”, “If its meant to be you’ll have one”, “You need to try harder”, “FIVE CLOMID DAYSSSSSSSSS”, “Adoption is an option”, “Stop trying it will happen”, “Have you seen a doctor?”, “Are you pregnant? We want to see a ba-by”

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This started to be a tongue in cheek blog post…but as I wrote I started remembering the unsolicited (i.e. unwelcome/unwanted/not helpful) advice I had received over the years. Add that advice to me already beating myself up and it was a constant barrage of negativity….like a partridge jumping out of the pear tree to peck the childless to death.

Others dream of visions of sugar plums dancing in their head. We dream of a child. 

Others think a Silent Night is a good thing. We think its another night without hearing a cooing baby.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Nope…………………………

We heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Mammograms and tennis shoes

Published / by sandymichelet / Leave a Comment

Sadly, some of the most surprising interactions I have had as a childless woman are in medical facilities who think there are two kinds of women in the world: Those who have given birth and those who will soon. Other than that, the women don’t exist. And it impacts how women take care of themselves. Three personal examples over the last few months:

Mammogram (if you say it like “candy gram” it sounds better)

My doctor’s office is in a hospital that caters to women….I have to trudge through the sea of pink and baby blue crap to go get body parts smushed. I try to rush through the long halls with blinders on, but it is impossible. The walls are decorated with newborns (pictures, not the real thing) and the floors are covered with baby feet stickers. There is only one reason I continue to go there….because I love my doctor.

I’m going to run a marathon

One Saturday morning a few months ago, I decided to become a runner. Thirty minutes later I opened my front door and started to jog before I got to the sidewalk…. Justin Timberlake was in my headphones. Nothing else needed. Except I had the wrong shoes, I didn’t stretch and I possessed absolutely no athletic skill or talent. True story.

  1. A month later I was limping into a doctor’s office and had to complete insurance/new patient paperwork explaining my life story. Are you pregnant? No. Could you possible be pregnant? No. Are you sure? I mean reallllly sure you aren’t? NO!
  2. Waiting room signs: Notify our staff if you believe you are pregnant or could be pregnant. 
  3. Magazines on the tables: Magazines dedicated to parents, babies, blah blah. Interestingly, not a lot of articles on feet.
  4. A nurse came to get me from the waiting room so someone could check out my Fred Flintstone feet. But first, we needed to x-ray. *sigh* Are you pregnant? No. Could you possible be pregnant? No. *sigh*

Dentist

When I was leaving my most recent appointment, I was gifted with the obligatory plastic bag filled with toothpaste, new toothbrush and dental floss. Check out exhibit A on the left.

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Am I uber sensitive to this topic? No doubt. But am I being unrealistic to want to increase an awareness that the childless exist? No. There has to be a better way. What about a route within the hospital that can get me from point A to point B….that minimizes the tour of the gift shop, birthing center, etc. What about an area in a waiting room that doesn’t scream BABY! What about magazines in the waiting rooms with articles other than “binky basics”, “choosing the perfect nursery” and “5 ways to soothe a crying baby”. <== Real articles BTW.

I get it. We exist in the minority. But we still exist. Many childless women I’ve talked with have given up medical care in general. Why?  Maybe because they can’t bear to bare it again, for any reason.  Maybe because listening to pregnant women talk to each other and scratch their full bellies (apparently that is a thing……..pregnant women are always scratching their bellies) is too painful. Maybe because it is a “our bodies have failed us again and again so why should I take care of it” mentality. I don’t know. But an environment dedicated to everything we want but can’t have certainly doesn’t help encourage good healthcare. Why am I focused on medical facilities as opposed to restaurants, malls, etc? Because when we need medical attention we are at our most vulnerable.

We don’t want a monument dedicated to our plight. We don’t expect a special facility that removes all hints of babies and pregnant women. But a few tweaks could create a more welcoming environment.