Top 16 stupid things to say to people who can’t have children

This started as a top 10 list but I kept adding. These are 16 things I could think of in about 3 minutes. Maybe stupid is the wrong word….but insensitive or tread lightly just aren’t cool blog titles.

I will always believe that 99% of people are good and never mean to hurt anyone. For the most part, people are good hearted and never want to cause pain.  They aren’t bad people or idiots at all. As an example: Over 20 years ago I was at a co-worker’s mom’s funeral. We went up to her afterwards to hug her and provide comfort. I wanted to make her feel better and tell her not to worry about coming back to the office for the next few days.  “Don’t worry about coming back right now. The office is quiet. It’s dead, dead, dead”.  You know…because one dead wasn’t enough for me. The conversation stopped and everyone stared at me dumbfounded.  I tried to nonchalantly recover. My co-worker (who was burying her mother) tried to rescue me and started thanking us for attending. They were all going celebrate her mom’s life at a nice restaurant… I followed up the first gem with “Man, you guys are so lucky…I just LOVE that place! Ya’ll have fun”. I think I got escorted to the car after that.

So….if you are or were trying to get pregnant you’ve heard every one of these:

  1. You are just stressed. You need to stop trying and then it will happen.
  2. You don’t want kids. Mine are a pain in the butt.
  3. Do you want one of my kids? One day at work someone said this. It started with “do you have kids?
  4. Why can’t you get pregnant? Why can’t you shut yo face!?
  5. I wish I could go home like you and not have to worry about cooking dinner for my family. I’ve wanted to throat punch these people.
  6. What is wrong with you? I HAVE throat punched these people.
  7. Which one of you has the problem? You or your husband? As all wives know, the answer to this question is obviously always “it’s my husband’s fault”…but not in this situation….
  8. You need to hurry up because you are getting older. This one makes me want to flip a table.
  9. My friend’s neighbor’s best friend’s daughter couldn’t get pregnant then she (insert random suggestion) and got pregnant immediately.
  10. You don’t have kids? Why not? You don’t want kids? This is a conversation I have at EVERY. SINGLE. NAIL. SALON.
  11. Are you sure that you two are doing it correctly? Always meant as a joke. Not funny. And yes. Yes, we are.
  12. I wish you could get pregnant so you could experience the greatest joy you’ll ever have. I take back what I said earlier. These people are idiots.
  13. Having a baby will change your life. See #12.
  14. I never lived until I had a child and became a mother.  I hope you get pregnant.
  15. Be careful if you try IVF because you could have a bunch of kids. Kids aren’t M&Ms….but, like M&M’s I’d rather have a whole bunch of them as opposed to none. 
  16. Are you seeing a specialist? Well…we actually decided to consult with this stranger who lives in his van at the car wash…… YES! OF COURSE IVE SEEN A SPECIALIST!!!

Man! Those infertile women are sensitive! Well…you know what? We weren’t the first 486 times we heard these comments. So what the heck CAN you say?? Check out another one of my blog posts. And come back soon!

4 Comments on Top 16 stupid things to say to people who can’t have children

    1. Thank you for posting!! Just talking and writing about this has already helped a lot. I am hoping that others will feel comfortable chatting as well. Hope you are doing ok!! Miss seeing you!

  1. I have a friend who has never had children. Her and her husband get to socialize with friends and always going on vacations with them. I have envied her at times. She was a teacher now retired. I have never asked her any questions about children nor has she ever mentioned that she was sad for not being able to get pregnant. Her husband came from a large family. We just never discussed it

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